Lost

Depression hits unexpectedly. Blaming it on the weather is a convenient outlet, however it doesn't ease the choking feeling that is haunting me. I am feeling tired both physically and psychologically.

I heard a story on radio the other day:

A professor in art who suffers from cerebral palsy was invited to give a speech about her life. After the speech, a participant asked her a sharp question in public: How do you see yourself? She wrote down a few lines on the board:

1. I am cute
2. I can draw
3. I have a beautiful dog... etc.

Above all, I see only what I do have and don't see what I don't have.

It sounds like preaching and it's a nice way to hypnotize oneself from disappointment. However, It's not easy to think that way for many of us. Sometimes, depression acts like a spoiled kid who is celebrating Halloween, treat or trick, just won't let go unless he gets what he wants.

I wanna disappear, leaving everything behind and going somewhere nobody knows me. Somewhere nothing is relevant to me so I can see things with a cold eye until I reset the perception of what I do have and what I can't have and appreciate that. I wish I could.